Change never changes

It’s said that the only thing that stays the same is change, and there’s a pretty big change coming soon around here!

Change can trigger excitement, joy, sorrow, and even anger. It can lead us to unknown places, making us apprehensive and scared. Change can thrill and inspire us, it can help or hurt us. When I think about the change that’ll happen here, probably before the end of summer, I feel sick, despondent, hurt, anger, joy, excitement, and many other things.

No one has an answer for what the future might hold, we can only know what has happened in the past. It’s also impossible to know what change might bring, only that it will do just that: Change.

Dictionary.com defines it: “to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone.” Notice it says “to make.” If it’s possible to make a change how is it then impossible to know what change might bring? If I can plan change, why am I not able to plan what it might bring? I have a simple answer, a simple answer for me anyway; emotions are not planned, they just happen. 

I’m not afraid of the physical act of change, I’m afraid of losing myself within it. I’m afraid I won’t be able to find my way around familiar things that change will take from me. The coming change brings with it an impending loneliness that cannot be made whole again. I would never attempt to fill that void, it’s one of many, meant to keep me from knowing where I might end up. Yes, change is scary and when it makes you feel alone you wish it didn’t have to happen. But it must because time stops for nothing.

guitar

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6 Comments

  1. I’ve lived in many places over the last 30+ years. I’ve moved by myself to areas where I knew no one. I’ve moved with someone to cities full of promise. I’ve lived alone, married, divorced, married again. I’ve worked in many different jobs and careers and reached different levels of success. I’ve taken on knew projects that lasted months and those that lasted years. I’ve left behind people I loved. I returned home to bury some of them. I’ve gained friends that are closer than family, and have family that I don’t get to see very often, or in some cases, at all. I’ve experienced the emotions you mentioned time and time again. But the one thing I realized over the years is that life DOES go on.

    The past 2 1/2 years have been some of the best times in my life because of a number of things. I finished remodeling and selling the home I grew up in. I married my childhood sweetheart, I helped develop a really cool weekly music event at a new venue. I’ve played guitar, drums, and bass with a bunch of extremely talented musicians. I became part of a band who’s members have become like family to me. We evolved into one of the best bands in the area mostly because we had such a good time performing together. Yes, we had our differences … you will always have that in a band if you are together for ANY length of time … but at the end of the day, there was a mutual love and respect for all of the members in the band. When that comes to an end, it will leave quite the void … no doubt. But one thing about voids … they leave a space for more new adventures, people, and feelings to fill them up again.

    As we transition to the next chapter in our lives, both personally and professionally, I will hold on to the good memories, learn from the bad ones, and always treasure the time spent with those people who were such an important and wonderful part of my life, especially for the past couple years.

    No, time does NOT stop for anything … but it does seem to change speeds often, like a roller-coaster does … it speeds up when we are doing what we love with those we love … then it crawls when we are waiting for the next time we will be together. So, like riding the roller-coaster, the best thing we can do is endure the climbs, enjoy speeding down the hills and thru the curves, and most of all, keep HANGING ON FOR THE RIDE!!

  2. Well this is a tease of a post …

    I used to embrace change, run towards it and then, when I got there, shout “SHIT! WHAT HAVE I DONE?” So thinking about it ahead of time is a good idea. Then when you get here you can say “SHIT! WHAT HAVE I DONE?”

  3. Scary, exciting indeed. The other thing that I have been and still am discovering about change, especially momentous change, is that, no matter how well you prepare for it, it’s always different to expectation. Sometimes it pleasantly surprises you with unforeseen blessings, and sometimes you just wish it would at least use more lube. The other thing that is certain, is that you will grow … far more than you thought you could or needed to.

    Looking forward to hearing more about your change, and how it all pans out.

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